50+ Hysterical Funny Birthday Card Messages People Will Never Forget
We’ve all been there. You’ve picked out the perfect birthday card, opened it up, and then… nothing. Your mind goes completely blank. All you can think of is “Happy birthday” and maybe their name. Boring, right?
Well, don’t worry! Finding the right funny birthday card messages doesn’t have to be a struggle anymore. Whether you’re writing to your best friend, your coworker, or that relative you only see once a year, we’ve got you covered with over 50 hilarious birthday messages that’ll make them laugh out loud.
Classic Funny Birthday Card Messages
These classic Funny Flower Messages work for almost anyone. They’re perfect for that colleague you don’t have inside jokes with or that friend you only catch up with once a year. Just pick one, write it in their card, and watch them crack up. If you want to read more funny messages then must visit this page.
Here are the best classic funny birthday card messages:
I always limit my budget on buying birthday gifts according to what that person gave me. Enjoy your gift of nothing!
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.
May your Facebook wall be filled with birthday wishes from people you’ve never met, haven’t seen in years, or genuinely couldn’t care less about.
You’re a really hard individual to shop for… so I didn’t get you anything. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday to the only person I would rescue in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas!
Smart, good looking, and funny. But enough about me. Happy birthday!
It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Right, let’s get you so drunk that you end up believing it’s my birthday and buying me drinks all night 😉
Happy birthday! Can you believe we used to think people our age were adults and had their life in order?
Congratulations on getting slightly older!
These funny birthday greetings are safe, light-hearted messages that won’t offend anyone. They’re great when you want to be funny but keep things appropriate for any birthday celebration.
Funny Birthday Messages for Old Age
Is someone getting another year older and you want to give them a hard time about it? These old age jokes are perfect for gently (or not so gently) reminding them that their best years might be behind them!
Old age humour works great for milestone birthdays like 30, 40, 50, or beyond. Use these funny birthday card messages when you really want to roast someone about their age.
Here are the funniest old age birthday messages:
Happy birthday – I’m so glad you’ll always be older than me!
Remember that growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional!
Birthdays are like spotting Bigfoot. You really do want to see them but you’re a little afraid of what they’ll look like…
If you look back through all the years you’ve lived, the first thing you’ll notice is that you need a telescope.
Happy birthday – So far, this is the oldest you’ve ever been!
At least you’re not as old as you will be next year… if you make it!
If anyone calls you old, hit them with your cane and throw your teeth at them!
Yes, we have reached that age… when every compliment we get is usually followed by ‘for your age’. You’re still looking great though… for your age!
As you get older, three things happen. The first thing is your memory loss, and I can’t remember the other two.
Congratulations! You are now old enough to need TWO packs of candles for your birthday cake.
We all knew this day was coming. It’s best to just suck it up and accept it’s no longer acceptable for you to eat a happy meal in public.
Don’t worry about your age… alcohol will make it all better!
I will stop making age jokes on your birthday now… you’ve reached the age where it’s genuinely not funny anymore.
Just remember the more candles on cake, the bigger the cake you’ll get! Now who’s laughing?
Another year older and you’re one step closer to getting those Velcro shoes!
Remember that age is just a number… just a really, REALLY high one in your case!
I regret to inform you that your childhood has expired.
These aging humour messages are perfect when you want to poke fun at someone’s age. They’re cheeky jokes that show you care while still giving them a hard time about getting older.
If you want to read Birthday Wishes to Make Your Partner Feel Loved then click here.
Savage and Rude Funny Birthday Card Messages
Everyone has that one friend who shows love through insults. You roast each other constantly but you’re absolutely inseparable. If that’s your friendship, these rude birthday messages are exactly what you need.
Warning: These are definitely insulting birthday messages. Make sure you know your audience before using these rude and offensive messages. They’re perfect for close friends who appreciate roast jokes, but definitely not for your boss or grandma!
Here are the most savage funny birthday card messages:
Happy birthday! Let’s celebrate the first time you cried naked in someone else’s bed…
I hope you have a happy annual celebration of escaping from your mum’s uterus. I wish that you may never again have to return to your dark underwater prison.
Birthdays are like bogeys. The more you have, the harder it is to breathe!
I hope your birthday is better than walking through a fart with your mouth open.
Since it’s your birthday, I’ll let you leave the lights on.
May your day be more beautiful than a unicorn farting rainbows.
I hope you celebrate your birthday the way you came into this world, naked and screaming!
Some say that age is just a number. I say that’s bullsh**. I mean, you’re getting really old. Happy birthday anyway.
Happy birthday… congratulations on now being of the age where understand the horror of waking yourself up with your own fart!
You might be old, but you’re still a d***.
Older and wiser… but still a bit of a pr***.
I didn’t know where to start on your birthday present so I thought I’d trawl the internet. After a couple of hours, I found some really good stuff. But then I remembered I was supposed to be finding you a birthday present and it was too late. Sorry!
Have a mucking farvellous birthday!
Some things are better with age. Too bad you aren’t one of them.
These humorous birthday messages are definitely not for everyone. But if you have that special friend who appreciates playful birthday jokes and can take a good roasting, they’ll love these witty birthday messages.
Sarcastic Funny Birthday Card Messages
Are you the king or queen of sarcasm? Do you want your friend to know exactly how much (or how little) effort you put into their card? These sarcastic birthday messages are perfect for you.
Sarcastic humour works best when you have that kind of relationship where both people appreciate dry, witty card messages. These funny birthday quotes are dripping with sarcasm and are guaranteed to get a laugh.
Here are the best sarcastic funny birthday card messages:
You’re the least famous person I know of who was born on your birthday.
I couldn’t think of a message that would make you laugh for your birthday card… you’re too boring…
I hope your birthday is better than the card I sent you…
Seriously, I don’t know how many more of your birthdays I can handle.
Another year older… and you still can’t grow a beard.
If I made fun of how many years old you are, it would be beyond funny.
Getting someone as awesome as me to send a birthday message to you, has undoubtedly been your biggest achievement this year.
Congratulations on being a year older and still maintaining such a low level of maturity; you are truly an inspiration.
Happy birthday! Here is a piece of card to show you how little I care…
What are you so happy about? It’s your birthday and you are going to have to spend a lot of money to keep us happy. At least have fun doing it!
Life was meant to be celebrated more often than just one day a year. Man, you’re missing opportunities the other 364 days!
I decided to keep having birthdays because it beats the alternative… Death.
These sarcastic birthday messages are perfect when you want to be funny but in that deadpan, “I can’t believe I have to do this” kind of way. They’re clever birthday lines that show you care… sort of.
Funny Belated Birthday Card Messages
Oops! Did you forget someone’s birthday? Or maybe you were away and couldn’t celebrate on the actual day? Don’t panic! These belated birthday wishes will get you off the hook.
Late birthday wishes don’t have to be awkward. With these funny birthday card messages, they’ll be too busy laughing to be mad at you for forgetting. Well, hopefully!
Here are the funniest belated birthday card messages:
I know you had lots of birthday wishes yesterday, but who is thinking of you today? Me, that’s who. Happy belated birthday!
I’m sorry my birthday wishes are belated—I honestly didn’t think you’d live this long. Happy birthday!
Sorry I wasn’t there with you to mourn the loss of your youth. Happy birthday!
It’s not your fault, buddy. No one can help the fact that you’re growing old, and that I totally forgot… Happy belated birthday!
You’re amazing, wise, super cool, fantastic, brilliant, intelligent – but don’t get too excited. I’m only saying all these things because I’m a couple of days late! Happy birthday!
It wasn’t my fault… Facebook forgot to remind me about your birthday!
It’s so tough to believe that you are getting older, that I decided to wish you a happy birthday late this year.
Sorry I missed your birthday… hopefully you’ll have another one next year…
These funny birthday greetings work perfectly for a belated birthday card. They acknowledge that you’re late while making them laugh at the same time. Problem solved!
Short and Sweet Funny Birthday Messages
Sometimes you don’t need a long message. These short funny birthday card messages pack a punch in just a few words. They’re perfect for greeting cards, social media posts, or quick texts.
These laugh-out-loud birthday messages prove that you don’t need a paragraph to be hilarious. Sometimes the best comedic quotes are the shortest ones.
Here are the best short funny birthday card messages:
Two things that are inevitable for any living person are birthdays and taxes.
Birthdays are like cheese. They stink more the older they get.
Aging is the worst side effect of birthdays.
There’s really only one true birthday. The rest are simply anniversaries of the day of a person’s birth.
Birthdays are like vacations. You don’t have one too often and they come and go too quickly.
The old pessimist focuses on his growing number. The old optimist focuses on his growing blessings.
Getting older is just part of life… and the other parts are even worse.
The older you get, the more disoriented your hair gets. Once it leaves your head, it seems to get lost.
These quirky birthday greetings are great when you want something quick but still funny. They’re birthday joke ideas that work in any situation and take just seconds to write.
Conclusion
There you have it – over 50 funny birthday card messages people will never forget! From classic funny birthday wishes to savage roast jokes, you’ve now got options for every type of birthday celebration.
The best birthday card ideas are ones that make someone laugh and show you care at the same time. These humorous birthday messages do exactly that. They’re witty birthday messages that turn a simple greeting card into something memorable.
