50 Funny Messages and Wishes for Retirement
Retirement can be both a joyous and bittersweet moment in anyone’s life. It marks the end of a career and the beginning of a new chapter in life. It can be emotional and even scary. When you have spent your entire life in the workforce, it is a major change to retire. It can be hard to close the chapter on your working years.
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When writing messages and wishes for retirement coworker, why not keep it light and fun? Retirement is not only an end, but a fun new beginning. Bring up the vibes by leaving a funny retirement wish. Let your departing coworker know you are excited for their next adventure by making them laugh.
50 Funny Retirement Messages and Wishes
It is overwhelming to try to be funny on demand. We won’t leave you out to dry here.
It’s important to remember the context of your retirement message. If your workplace is a little more serious or your coworkers are unfamiliar with your humor, your jokes may not land. Funny wishes for retirement work best in lighthearted situations.
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If you’re ready to go, we have collected some funny retirement quotes and messages to add to any retirement card to make your coworker laugh.
“Training someone new is going to be so time-consuming. Really wish you would have considered your retirement plan. Way to leave us in a lurch.”
“What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired.”
“I’m really going to miss my scapegoat…I mean my friend, at work. I didn’t actually blame you for all of my mistakes. Really, I didn’t. You believe me right? Anyway bud, good luck. Thanks for the memories.”
“Fine…..Go. We never liked you anyway. That’s not true. I’m lashing out. Don’t go!”
“I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 o’clock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.”
“Wishing you good luck on your new journey. I sure wish I could start doing nothing daily. Warm wishes.”
“Some people come into your life and just really make their mark. They inspire you to be your best and to constantly seek to improve. They bring out the best in you and help you reach your true potential. That wasn’t you, but maybe it will be your replacement. Can’t wait to see who we hire. Happy retirement.”
“When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money. And vice versa.”
“Since you are leaving, is your parking space up for grabs? I’m just curious. It is so much closer to the entrance. Can you talk to our manager about transferring that space to me? Do me a solid? That would be great. Thanks! I wish you luck! Don’t forget to bring up the parking space…”
“Aren’t you going to be bored? Are you going to spend a lot of time in Las Vegas?”
“Congrats on starting your next chapter. I’m so interested to see what the future holds for you. I am also interested to see if my snacks stop going missing from the break room refrigerator. I’m just saying it would be quite a coincidence.”
“He who laughs last at the boss’s jokes probably isn’t far from retirement.”
“Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.”
“Leaving so soon? We were just getting used to your weirdness. Best of luck—you’ll need it without us.”
“We are really going to miss the humor and laughs you brought into the office. Now that you are leaving, I have been practicing my jokes. I’m ready to step in as the office comedian. Wish me luck on my new adventure.”
“Leaving? We were just about to nominate you for ‘Employee of the Year.’ Oh well, we’ll just have to settle for ‘Most Likely to Be Missed.’”
“You have always been semi-competent. I will miss that about you.”
“My first thought when I heard you were leaving was, ‘Wow, I am going to get so much more work done.’ Good luck on your next adventure.”
“Super jealous you are retiring. Now you are definitely going to beat me at golf.”
“When you retire, you switch bosses – from the one who hired you to the one who married you.”
“Get that fishing pole ready. I don’t know what else you are going to do with all your newfound time!”
“Retirement: when you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house.”
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
“I would say call me and we will grab lunch, but I might be too jealous for that.”
“Happy beginning to the end, I mean rest, of your life!”
“Fore-get about work, it’s time for work on your golf game. Happy retirement!”
“Ready for weeks full of nothing but Saturdays? Ready for a Monday to become ‘Mon-Yay’? Congrats.”
“You’re finally retired, so you can finally be the ‘morning person’ you always pretended to be on Zoom… or not. Your call.”
“Retirement is like a firmware update for your life. Everything runs smoother.”
“Ditch the alarm clock! Retirement is the only time when ‘early to bed’ and ‘early to rise’ make no sense at all.”
“Congratulations on your retirement! Now you have all day to do what you’ve been doing at work for years—absolutely nothing.”
“They say retirement is when you finally have time to do everything you want. Too bad your body won’t cooperate.”
“You’ve worked hard for decades. Now it’s time to work hard at relaxation. Good luck with that!”
“Retirement means no more stress, no more deadlines, and no more boss. Just a spouse with a honey-do list.”
“Welcome to retirement! Where every day is Saturday, except you forget what day it actually is.”
“Now that you’re retired, you can finally answer the age-old question: What do you wear when you have nowhere to be?”
“Congratulations! You’ve graduated from ‘working for the weekend’ to ‘what’s a weekend?’”
“Retirement: The only time in your life when time off is your full-time job.”
“You’re not retiring. You’re just becoming a professional napper.”
“Now you can finally use all that vacation time you’ve been saving… oh wait, you’re retired. Never mind!”
“Happy retirement! May your coffee be strong and your Monday be… well, just another day now.”
“Enjoy retirement! It’s like being a kid again, except with money and no one telling you what to do.”
“Congratulations on escaping! I mean, retiring. We’ll miss you!”
“You’ve earned the right to do nothing. And trust me, you’re going to be great at it.”
“Retirement is wonderful if you have two essentials: much to live on and much to live for. Hopefully you have at least one.”
“Now you can spend more time doing what you love: complaining about how things used to be.”
“Congrats on your retirement! Time to trade in your work clothes for pajamas. Oh wait, you’ve been doing that since COVID.”
“Retirement is like a permanent three-day weekend, except your body feels like Monday morning.”
“You’re officially too old to work but too young to die. Enjoy the in-between!”
“Happy retirement! Now you can finally pursue your passion of watching TV in your underwear professionally.”
Farewell for Now
Retirement cards are a great way to send your retiree off on a good note. Let them know how you sincerely feel about them, but you can also lighten the mood by making them laugh with workplace humor.
It is important to honor those who have contributed their time and energy to their career and the company as they depart from the office for the final time. This retirement milestone deserves recognition. Both cards and retirement parties are a professional courtesy and should be part of your office culture—as well as retirement gifts.
Whether you’re celebrating a mentor retirement, teacher retirement, or a coworker retirement, these funny retirement sayings will help you create the perfect farewell message. Make their retirement celebration memorable with clean humor and playful teasing that shows you care.
